shivers

my first day of going back to work didnt go well as i thought it would be. i was fine when i was at the office. but when i got home.. i started to feel very light headed and chills. i felt soo cold i couldnt stop shivering! and then high fever. i dont know why the fever suddenly got me. maybe its the weather (it was raining heavily that morning and haze) or maybe breast engorgement (i forgot my pump, so it was really swollen and painful :( ) OR maybe because i didnt get enough sleep. only slept for 3 hours the night before. so i got into bed early and woke up the next morning for work feeling okay. but nooo, when i reached work.... i got the shivers and headaches again! i couldnt got a hold on meds so i battled through it until 5pm :( 

but im okay now. i think. anyway, thank you for the milk booster recommendations! i will def try those. especially oats(cookies and porridge sounds good) yes, its still low. esp now that im working..... sigh. 

and yknow.... i still feel emotional. today at work i had to hide inside the toilet twice cause i felt like crying. i was looking at my two girls pictures and i felt so guilty for not being with them. i couldnt help myself. okay, i dont blame postpartum. maybe its just me. i was like this when airis was a year old.. i remember when my friend brought her daugther to school and i instantly cried cause she reminded me of mine ;( there's nothing more sad to me than feeling like..... okay, i cant seem to put it into words haha. 

i got to blog this time cause baby and airis are sleeping. but baby is awake now. so bye!