Working Again

so, i just got back to work today and here i am at the office blogging cause i want to take my mind off things. mind you, it hasnt even been 2 weeks since i gave birth.. so i have been feeling "sad" lately (as they called it "postpartum depression"). i know its pretty normal that i am missing the baby right now, but even when im with her.. i have this strong urge to cry! :( 

also.. i suck at breastfeeding. i reallyyyyy wanna breastfeed but my milk supply is not enough (as i can tell by the baby's cries). here am i at work but i only left around 6oz of pumped breastmilk at home! i couldnt pump more than 2oz per day without leaving some for the baby :( i feel so guilty that i cant even "satisfy" her needs. i guess this is why people often say that breastfeeding requires great patience! due to me being at work 9hours per day, 6 times a week.. we had to option for "mixed-feeding". ONLY if needed though. Only if my pumped breastmilk is not enough while im away. i know "formula-feeding" your child is something that isnt approved here in my country.. but hey i cant help it! i cant let my baby starve! to ease your mind, yes i am still breastfeeding. so yes i am still giving her the benefits of a mother's milk. so please, dont judge. i am currently trying out things to increase my supply cause i really want to continue breastfeeding. if any of you know an effective way to increase supply fast, do let me know in the comments! im so jealous when other mothers posted pictures of their supply!! i wish i can do that! :/ 

okay i dont know what has gotten into me in writing this post. this breastfeeding topic has been going around my head for a while and i just wanna let it all out. haha. alsoooo... Airis has been a little jealous of her baby sister! i also have little time to play with her and i cant help feeling guilty :( i usually just let her play with her tab or watch cartoons (and quietly! cause the baby was always asleep) sighhhh. but yeah.. my attachment work ends on the 22 oct. so i will have my full time with my children when the time comes. and i couldnt be more thankful for my mom to take care of them.